so i was madly inlove with this man. i haven't seen him in almost a year now. the last year has been so rough and life was almost over literally.

heres the thing.

i've been just talking to someone, no names. but i've been realizing things. seeing things more clearly and i have now started to see what was happening.

why did he want me to change who i was. not wanting me to ride motercycles. not get a tattoo. so many things. i was being held back, i could have missed out on a lot of things. the last year of my life i have...

all the heart ache i've had the last year, so much pain, tearing me apart. being so sick, i couldn't stop crying, feeling the guilt.

i should't have felt guilty. but i was in the belief that everything was my fault.

maybe i'm just bad at love, maybe i'm not. i'm so loyal i couldn't just leave with out reason. i act upon emotion, one cant hate me for that. abandining someone is something i cant do. but why would he want me to change, why has he tried so hard to change me. saying if i dont do this one thing i must not love him enough. did i make myself believe i loved him?

i'll fix what he and i have done, but with no promises anymore. with this ring on my finger, the ring i love so much. i dont know what to do. i will not be guilted into anything anymore.

but why do i wait. i sit here all day just to talk to someone else. i dont know what i see in my future, other than a rough road.

do i still love him??? yes. but is it real. just have to ask why he'd try changing me so much? could he not love me for who i was, insted of changing me. if i have to ask i should know the answer. before i was sure, but now, not so much.

but i still cry. for what reason. the great memories? the guilt? being ashamed? i know he loves me. but was it really me he loved or who i had to change into?